Feeding Herself

Lately Kendal has become VERY independent. If I try to feed her...she shakes her head no and then politely asks for the spoon. I give her the spoon and she proceeds to feed herself. She actually does a very good job. Only gets her face messy. My Kendal is now 15 months old! I cannot believe it! We'll probably go out next week to do photos of her. This weekend is kind of CRAZY! I have had a photo shoot everyday for the past like 3 weeks. It's so nuts! But good news!! My camera will be paid off! In that case, I'll probably be raising my prices. A little, but more than $15! :)

Kendal wearing Aunt Hil's boots! Hilary wore her boots to school the other day to school and she literally got "moo-ed" at. It made me laugh when she told me that.

First Time In A LONG Time...

Today I have learned a new meaning of love. I knew it all along. But never was able to be successful at loving. Now, I have loved before but nothing like this. Today I am happy to say that I am truly in LOVE with my husband. I have always loved him. But I loved him for all the wrong reasons. There may have been different points in our marriage where I have truly loved him but that went away. I now see that I have one amazing husband and I truly LOVE him with all my heart. I can now say I love everything about him. I love his love for cars and guns. Before, it ANNOYED me HOW much he talked about them! But maybe in a way I was just jealous because I didn't have something like that. His knowledge of cars and guns truly amazes me. I love how he is a busy body. He is always having to do something or he goes crazy! Like father like daughter. Kendal is a total Daddy's Girl. Not only because she LOVES his sooo much but she is a spitting image of him. It is so funny to sit and watch both of them when they are together. When we go out, they look at the same things, investigating, searching to find out how and why it works. They both get very, VERY distracted. Sometimes while in conversation with Tanner, he'll stop talking, look at me and say something about a COMPLETELY different topic. Same thing with Kendal. The other day I asked her for a kiss and as she walked towards me to kiss me....her head turned slightly to the side and she saw something she had to go explore without Mommy getting her kiss.

It's funny to look back on our first year of marriage up to now. I was always so mad at him for such little things. He would go to the grocery store to get milk and be gone for longer than an hour! I would call, he wouldn't answer. So I waited and waited until he came home. "Where were you??" "I was at the store getting milk" "Oh it took you an HOUR!?" "Oh...um...car and driver had a really good article about blah blah blah" So he would just stand there in the isle reading his car magazines and be in his own little world. I bet someone could rob him while he was reading and he wouldn't even know! :) But when he got home I would be soo ticked at him. Don't talk to me kind of ticked. Which I see now is silly. Tanner needs some time to himself. He works so incredibly hard and he does so much for our family, why can't he have time to read his car magazines?!

Anyway, I love him. I'm so grateful I have Tanner in my life. And I'm so grateful I can finally say that and truly mean it! Life is great!

Videos Of Kendal

Kendal has learned that burping and tooting are funny. So she forces both out. In the first video she is doing her fake burp. If she hears someone burp, she will usually mimic with her fake burp.

This is for Steph, my sister-in-law. She had asked for a video where Kendal is chattering. This is Kendal talking a little bit. Can never get a good one on video because she's more interested in watching the video after. But ya, here's a clip.

Birthday and Strawberries...

My daughter and her big head...I know that every child has a big head...but I think mine has a bigger head! She is ALWAYS falling over because of her head. She goes to look up and falls backwards because her head weighs so much. She can't even get her shirts off her big ol' head! haha

Anyway, this past Saturday was my 23rd birthday! Wow..I'm getting old...hahaha just messing. I actually feel very young. I had a great birthday! Tanner and I were up in Utah that weekend for photo shoots and for family visits. On Saturday Tanner's little sister and I went to Tanner's Aunt's Salon. I think it's a school for cosmetology. But anyway, we got hooked up with free facials. And boy did I love it!! I think I want to go get another one... : ) After getting our facials Tanner took me out bowling!! We have not been bowling since...um....before dating? I don't think Tanner and I have ever bowled together. And boy we were amazing!! uh....maybe not. But we still had a good time together. After bowling we went and got ice cream, Mcdonald's french fries and then visited his cousin at the gas station he was working at. It was really nice to get away and not have to worry about Kendal! Thank you Stu, Sandra and Carly for watching her!!!

So every year...before I was married...I always got a pumpkin pie for my birthday "cake" or pie. Weird...I know. So this year I went and bought myself one. I didn't buy any candles...so I used Kendal's instead haha

Next topic...STRAWBERRIES! Last night we were over at my parent's house for my little sister's birthday. I took my sister out and took pictures of her for her birthday...lame...I know..but we had a good time! (You can see those photos we took HERE!!) While we were out...my mom gave Kendal some strawberries! She LOVED THEM! At dinner time...Kendal asked for more strawberries. This is how she'd eat them...she'd take a little bit...chew it...swallow it...and then

Start shoving the whole thing in her mouth!!

What a goof!!!!

Before she was even close to being done chewing the strawberry...she'd ask nicely for another by signing please. She can now say please with her words...but her mouth was TOO FULL to talk! I love her!

In the end...she had a total of 8 big strawberries! Thanks grandma!! Oh and by the way...when she pooped today...her poop REALLY did smell like STRAWBERRIES!! It was WEIRD!!! : )

Do you know what I hate?

Trying to explain myself to people. I say what I say and don't feel the need to explain to someone. Is that weird? :)

Have you ever?

Today has been sort of a weird day. I've had many days like today through out my marriage. But never have I taken time to really sit and write it out. I'm writing this on my blog so maybe I can get some advise and words of wisdom.

Have any of you been through depression? Depression that you have been in for a lot longer than you think? I'm having a hard time today and I feel like I finally have my "eyes open" This is the feeling I've had before and I wish I could keep it. But for some reason I can't. I slip back into this depression mode where I am mean and I don't think straight. I want to have this same mindset that I have today, everyday. I want to remember things and to be a better person. This is how I see my life...it all started here...(the depression thing)

I remember my wedding day. I remember how excited/nervous I was that morning. Tanner was coming to pick me up and I was so scared that he wasn't going to show up. Our relationship at this time was nothing like what it was when we were dating. When we were dating we had so much fun and enjoyed being around each other. And then I started getting weird and we argued all the time. We even argued a lot on our honeymoon. The next thing I remember is this...
What a great day! I try not to remember my pregnancy because it really was hard for ME. I put ME in all caps because I wasn't as sick as some or didn't really have any complications....but I had other things that made MY pregnancy really hard for ME. To finally have my little girl out was soo great! Time passed and I remember getting so mean and grumpy ALL THE TIME. I would get so frustrated with Kendal, which was silly because she is an amazing baby. But everything just drove me NUTS! I always pictured myself with all my kids having so much fun and being so happy. But I wasn't. I was so stressed and so deep into this depression that I didn't know how to have a good time. Tanner and I rarely had a good day. Always fighting and never enjoying each other. (This is in no way Tanner's fault. Tanner is a great guy. I just expected him to be something he's not, this is what I realized today...this is something I want to remember all the time so that he and I can enjoy and really love each other.) This is what I remember next...
Or now. This is my sweet daughter. She truly amazes me everyday with what she's learning and doing. Today, while having a crying session, my little girl sees me, climbs up on my lap, lays her head on my chest for a while and then looks up at me and gives me the BIGGEST kiss. Why or how did I get so lucky? Why did the Lord bless me with my sweet girl? Why can't I be as grateful as I am right now for her all the time? And another thing...why can't I remember her life!? I look at all my photos we've taken and I remember those days. Maybe that's why I love taking pictures so much! Helps me remember the memory. Is this normal? I feel so lost some times. I wake up and don't know how I go to this point in my life. I look at my husband and some times it's weird to sit and think about us. How do I know him? Why do I love him? Why have we grown so far apart, in comparison to when we were dating? (It's all me...remember?) What have I done with my life since high school. That's the last place I can recall a lot of memories. Volleyball, friends, dance all that. And now I have little glimpses of memories. Growing up is hard. Especially watching my little girl grow up. She is almost 15 months old and it brings me to tears to think she is that old already! Where did my newborn go? I wish I could go back and do it all over. Be nicer, kinder, more thoughtful and understanding. What made me this way? Or is this just life? How do I remember more of life? How do I become a better person? I obviously haven't figured out the answers or I wouldn't be posting this asking for advise. Sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed with a big long list of things to do, that I just end up doing nothing. How do I get out of depression and become truly happy with my life as it is right now? I truly am so blessed with all I have but yet, I am not grateful for any of it? That doesn't work. Does any one have any advise? Have you ever been through this and maybe have some knowledge on what to do?